my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
