3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
