Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
