You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
