I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
