I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
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You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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