my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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