You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
