I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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