How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
