Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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