she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
