i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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