theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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