i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
