My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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