i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
