Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
