East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
