Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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