woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
