Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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