He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
