Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
