hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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