dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
