So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
