I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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