I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
