who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
