i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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