I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
