I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Buhtt sex?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
