Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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