i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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