I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
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Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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