I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
