I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think I won the penis lottery.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And then my night got REAL pukey
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
