Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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