can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
