ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
