She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
