did you get engaged???
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
