I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
