Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
