apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
