You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
