living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
