??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
