The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
