FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
