Me. At least after what I've been through.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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