But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
