well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
