a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize