I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
