It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
