My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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