i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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