Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize