Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
