I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
