I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
