remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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