I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
