Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
