Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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