But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
