conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
