Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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