How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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