dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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