why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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