I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
