I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
