good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
