U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i barfeds in our rink
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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