how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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