In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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