are you still at the devil's house?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
