i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
