Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
