Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Houston, we have a blender
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
