Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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