At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
did you just send me my own nude
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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