You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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