I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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