I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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