are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
