Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
