if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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