Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
